2016/2017 Office Fantasy Football League

Sarah returns to [near] the top Mrs Bielby bounces back with her second Manager of the Week certificate of the campaign, knocking in 19 points this week and inserting herself into the number two spot in the table.  The resurgence of Johnny's Heroes is keeping Johnny King's Moobs on their chubby little toes.  Mr King remains in top spot. Highest climber, rocketing up twelve places into seventh, is Toby's Gang.  Neil's Diamonds thrust up an almost equally enthralling eleven places into eleventh. Don't panic, folks. It's just the early season jostle that dupes the jittery managers amongst you to break into their transfer quota. Cough, Rick, ahem, Russ, ahem, splutter, ahem, ahem, ahem.  A marathon it is.  A sprint it is not. Will the international break and creaky close of the transfer window bring any further rash changes.  Let's hope so. Happy Birthday for Manager Nick Borrett [Sunday] T h e   T a b l e                                             Value Points

Beecroft after Week 1's results Again, the OFFL Table's top spot is accompanied by the Manager of the Week certificate.  Indeed, this week it's the former BBC Presenter, music impresario and old bugger [convicted] Jonathan King.  Currently out on bail until October, King has elevated his Moobs into top spot with a score of 22 points. And while we, here at Studmarks, pat ourselves smugly on the back for hauling out the same old inappropriate Jon/Jonathan King references, the actual Jon King (OFFL Manager, former Emsworthian and accountant at the Kenwood Corporation) snortingly rolls his eyes while quietly toeing the unopened Notice of Intended Prosecution envelope under the sideboard. Firmly in Jon's managerial shadow is the moanful Alex Blundell and his Moanchester United.  Mr Blundell, whose convictions for indecent assault remain undisclosed, hasn't been this high in the table since his Rufuscester took the title in 1997. Heady days indeed. And while we're o

Look at how white they are. It's on. And we're up. Good job Gary Lineker wasn't. Yeah, you know what we're talking about. It should be noted that Our Most Gracious Chairman was drafted in as the BBC body double on Saturday night in case The Boy Lineker chickened out of presenting MOTD in just a pair of Leicesters. Fortunately for widescreen enthusiasts the corpulent services of OMG Chairman weren't required. So, we finally arrive at the first week of the season. After a remarkably successful/disastrous* European Championships, we can bury our beaming/crying* faces into the nestled comfort of the big and pleasantly plumpy Premiership pillow. Zzzzzzz. [* delete according to your UK loyalties.] Well, Johnny's Heroes are first out of the blocks as Sarah Bielby collects a Manager of the Week certificate for an adequate week's pull of 14 points. But as we know: it's a marathon, not a sprint, so keep your cock-a-hooping down to modest whoop if you will,

xx A stunning display of incompetence saw potential Double winner, Malcolm, lose on both Cup and League fronts through a failure to mainly make subs. xx Starpratt Mustgo Value PIN Pos Name Team (M) 141 GK H Lloris TOT £4.1 174 FB S Coleman EVE £4.2 181 FB R De Laet LEI £3.7 268 CB D Lovren LIV £4.2 286 CB V Van Dijk SOT £4.1 323 MF M Ozil ARS £6.0 348 MF N Kante CHE £3.5 412 MF K De Bruyne MC £6.5 409 MF J Milner LIV £4.3 539 ST L Remy CHE £6.2 584 ST H Kane TOT £8.2

Second Place Pyeators Dave understands the rules Initial teething problems with the PlayersList, caused by the late Umpa Lumpa #359, meant confusion over the Pyeating playing position of preferred Liverpool Midfielder Wijnaldum  To his credit, Manager Dave Clayton wasn't perturbed nor put off by this little hiccough to his opening team submission.  No.  Safe in the knowledge that the Chairman Is Always Right , Clayton cooly adjusted his line-up accordingly with a warm smile and knowing humility. Now that's the way to get on in this league. Historically, Mr Clayton can only crow about a couple of consecutive League runner-up finishes [2012/2013 and 2013/2014] and is a defeated OFFL Cup finalist from 2012 but his teams are always up there within the pelaton of title dreamers.  The Arsenal of the OFFL, perhaps? Enter Pyeators ... 110 GK T Courtois CHE £4.1 166 FB C Azpilicueta CHE £4.4 222 FB K Walker TOT £4.3 284 CB J Fonte SOT £4.1 283 CB C Smalling MU £4.5 323 MF M Ozil ARS £6.

So others may not suffer She's a Pratt now Proclaiming to be a "lover of theatre, comedy and literature" is to clearly explain Karyn's attraction to frequent OFFL manager and current husband, Big Mally Pratt.  To add that she's not into "ballet, opera... and Crunchie bars" is as good as admitting that she's not into him when he's drunk. Karyn's charity extends to filling up the lower echelons of the OFFL table so that others may not have to suffer and we look forward to monitoring how Ms Meaden-Pratt performs in her second season. Good luck to Bourneslippy ... 129 GK D De Gea MU £4.3 151 FB H Bellerin ARS £4.5 206 FB C Soares SOT £4.0 262 CB R Huth LEI £4.1 286 CB V Van Dijk SOT £4.1 323 MF M Ozil ARS £6.0 408 MF S Mane LIV £5.0 457 MF M Arnautovic STO £4.7 478 MF D Alli TOT £5.0 528 ST J King BOU £5.4 553 ST J Vardy LEI £7.6 .

Real Revamp Craig McHugh. Genuinely, this is his face Former Norwegian glamour model, Craig McHugh began aspiring to Fantasy Football greatness from his plaice behind the counter of a Fish and Chip shop in Surbiton. McHugh maintains that one afternoon a solitary piece of leftover battered fish spoke to him and, having been inspired by the word of Cod, he entered his first OFFL team. These days, undeterred by the tragic disfigurement that was brought about by a particularly surprising sneeze, McHugh miserably continues to underachieve in the League, managing the runner-up spot back in 2007. Winner of the OFFL Cup in 2011 and, most recently, the defeated finalist in 2013, Manager McHugh has revamped his entry - so much so that he's rebranded.  Real Mcdrid is no more, long live Game Of Throw Ins ... PIN Pos Name Team (M) 141 GK H Lloris TOT £4.1 230 FB C Dawson WBA £3.6 234 FB A Cresswell WH £4.0 283 CB C Smalling MU £4.5 262 CB R Huth LEI £4.1 369 MF R Barkley EVE £4.8 408 MF S Mane